Brain Diarrhea: Cerebral Seepage That Leaks To The Fingertips

I mean this with my whole heart; seriously, you have no idea. No one in the history of blogging has ever been happier to type these words:


This week could not end fast enough for me. Those of you who read my last post can probably attest to that. Even though this week isn’t technically over, Friday brings with it that sense of a close because usually, you know you’re getting a break – however short-lived – from the rest of your usual mundane weekly activities and stresses. Or at least that’s the idea of a weekend anyway. I have a shoot on Saturday, but the majority of my weekend will be spent either inside my house or at the hospital because that is where my husband *still* is. The doctors have decided to keep him through the weekend to see if they can find out what’s going on with him and why he’s having such acute pain. Send good vibes people 🙂

*hums Good Vibrations even though I don’t really know the words or even what it’s about* <—Rest assured I will google that as soon as I finish this post. I hate to be the ignorant one at the party. And also, my mind goes to the gutter every time I think of the title so the only way to rectify this is to find out the real meaning. For my GB people – raise your hand if you chuckled – even if it was inwardly – when you read the word “rectify.”

Now that you know what my less than thrilling non-plans are for the weekend, what are your plans for Memorial Day Weekend?

I know a lot of people will do nothing in particular except enjoy the day off work (nothing wrong with that, of course) while others will spend it doing something to honor those that have given their lives in the service of our country or else celebrating the freedom that these people have afforded us.

Some of us might even do all of those at the same time. *Gasp*

Whatever you do, try to take a moment to at least remember that you’re freedom was bought and paid for by someone else who had/has a family that they aren’t getting to be lazy out of work with or celebrate with. Just take time to appreciate what you’ve got and some of the things that made it possible for you to have it.

And now off of that heart-wrenching and depressing subject! I’m not good at these posts that make your heart go all gooey…

I’ve been reading!!

Those of you that know me are not surprised. Those of you that don’t really know me don’t care and I don’t blame you. But I promise you I am not going to start talking about what I’ve been reading and my insignificant thoughts on what the undercurrent of the whole thing is. My purpose for telling you I’ve been reading is to share with you that I had an epiphany while reading. Funny how epiphanies only come when you’re fully engaged in some other activity that has absolutely no relevance to the epiphany you’re having. But none the less, I find it amusing when people say they’ve had epiphanies and always wonder what brought it on. Since I don’t know what brought mine on, I figured the next best thing was sharing what I was doing when it occurred. Also, I really like to say the word “epiphany.” Should I ever have another child I have decided I will name him or her Epiphany. It better be a girl because a boy named Epiphany? Are you kidding me – that kid will get slaughtered in school and I won’t be able to apologize enough or buy him a car that is badass enough to make up for that. But, I’m not having anymore kids so the point is moot.

*Some male soul that has yet to be born is thanking God that he’s not destined to be my kid right now*

So, have I said the “E” word enough for you to start thinking “alright, alright! Either tell us what your miraculous revelation was or shut the hell up!” yet?


Here it comes….

Drum roll…Just play the damn thing to satisfy my need for a climatic effect. (Or don’t – after all, how the hell will I know?)

It is not a bad thing to NOT be 100% satisfied.

Bit of a let-down as far as epiphanies go isn’t it? But allow me to explain.

I recently got into a conversation with someone about this topic of never being satisfied. Their opinion is one that the majority of people I’ve talked to tend to share: that’s it’s bad to never be completely satisfied because somehow it makes you greedy or unsettled (as in nothing is ever good enough) which isn’t an attractive trait in anyone. I get that view-point and I respect it. But I’m offering a different vantage point.

I think it’s great to not always be totally satisfied with everything (to a certain degree) because something could always be better. If you’re a good writer, work to be a great one. If you’re a great photographer, painter, mother, father, accountant, teacher, ect, ect (the list goes on) work your ass off to be an excellent one. You could always go that extra step up if you want to and there is nothing wrong with wanting that. It is off-putting when you meet someone who is constantly bitching about how their life is so horrible when all you can think about is the number of people who would absolutely love to live a life like theirs. I’m not talking about being a bitter, unhappy whore. I’m talking about loving what you already have, but feeling a need not to settle where you’re at – to consistently work toward making it greater than it already is.

If you’ve got 100% of everything you could ever want or ask for in the world, then what keeps you going? We’re human – aren’t we always endlessly searching for something? We always have something to strive for, something that we’re driving to achieve in our lives so if we already have everything and we’re 100% satisfied with it, where are we going from there?

I’m not saying that logic applies to everything or everyone. Certainly, if the one thing you’ve wanted all your life is a family and you finally get that – by all means, be satisfied with it. Don’t keep trying to search for something bigger or better and ignore the greatness that is right in front of you, but do keep growing and working on those relationships, talents, interests, ect. so that they become better and stronger than before. I guess that’s my point – some people equate satisfaction with complacency. Just because you got your dream doesn’t mean you can’t do things to make it more fulfilling or make your relationships stronger and more lasting. Be satisfied…be content, but not complacent.

Maybe that isn’t some big revelation for the rest of you, but it kinda is for me. I’ve got all these wonderful things in my life. A great husband, awesome kids, the start of what looks like it could turn into an exciting career, supportive family and friends…and yet, even though I have all those amazing things I’ve always felt like there’s something missing in my life; some hole that I’ve yet to fill.

And I have always felt relentlessly guilty for feeling that way.

I have no reason to complain or be unhappy with anything so why should I ever have moments where I feel empty or incomplete when my life is obviously so full of fantasticalness?! It’s ridiculous!

Except it’s not ridiculous. Everyone feels that way at times and I’m finally realizing that it’s okay. It doesn’t mean I don’t love my family and that I’m not grateful for the life I have. It just means I have a need to perfect that which is not perfect in my life. And that’s everything. And it’ll never be done because nothing will ever be perfect which means that I will never lack purpose because I will always have some new goal that I can strive to achieve!

If I decide I want to take up a new hobby (as if I don’t have enough of them already), there’s no reason why I shouldn’t. If I need to do something that is just for me, there’s no reason to feel bad about it later. I guess you could take this whole thing to extremes and blow it out of proportion, so I think it bears repeating: I’m not talking about being excessive and being so unsatisfied with your life that you make the people in it feel like they’re worthless and mean nothing to you. I’m not trying to give anyone the impression that we should always get everything we want. I’m talking about a happy medium; realizing that you can’t have everything, but not feeling guilty about still wanting a little bit more out of your life even if it’s fantastic as is.

I’m sorry – that was a ridiculously long mind poop. I had no idea I had diarrhea of the brain…I thought it was just going to be a small, 2-minute poop. Not a 30 minutes and flush twice kinda poop. Also, sorry for the poop references. It seems the diarrhea is still going strong in here 😉


4 thoughts on “Brain Diarrhea: Cerebral Seepage That Leaks To The Fingertips

  1. Did the doctor’s find out what the reason for your hubby’s pain was? I hope he feels better soon.

    Jeeeez, thanks Beth, now whenever I hear good vibrations I’m totally gonna think of something else that replicates good vibrations.. haha. I’m surprised my dirty mind hadn’t thought of this before. Wow.. maybe I’m getting less perverted 🙂

    • Thanks for the comment. And no, they didn’t because there isn’t any reason he should be having the kind of pain he’s experiencing…well no reason that they can find anyway. He has something called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome…I wrote a tiny bit about it in the blog I posted this morning.

      • I just logged in. I’ll read it in a bit.

        I thought of you this morning. I was driving the hubs to work and something came on the radio.. “work shift disorder”.. this reminded me of that post you wrote about people and their needs for disorders/meds/whatever.. and it’s funny cause this ridiculous fucking disorder is treated with a medication that may cause- hallucinations, diarrhea, temporary blindness, fever, depression and so on. The hubby and I were laughing.. hmm, what do I prefer, having some ridiculous syndrome or temporary blindness and depression.. JEEEZ!!

      • YES! I mean really, I’d rather have the one thing and deal with that rather than adding all that other shit to it. Once again, the universe proves that it is full of idiots.

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