Breakfast Talks…

Today, I googled.

What did I google, you ask? Or maybe you don’t, but if you’re still reading, that’s kinda silently asking what I googled isn’t it?

Today, I googled the words “inanimate object” with the intention of writing something about the very first image that popped up in the search results. It was this one:

So here it is; my silly post for the day. I am going to imagine what each of these things is thinking. Enjoy my mindlessness.

Salt: I don’t even know what I’m doing here. If that hungry giant over there shakes me off into his cheerios, I fully intend to run away with Pepper and never, never come back.

Egg: FML. Go ahead, Salt. Keep going with your monologue…I know you’re just waiting to tell everyone how horrible your existence is and I am just dying to grow arms and smack you. When you’ve been popped out of a chicken butt, smothered by aforementioned feathery butt for 2 days and then saved from suffocation by a straw-chewing giant only to find out that you were not, in fact, “saved,” but kidnapped; you still will not have reached my level of craptacular. When you have been thrown into a scalding hot pot of boiling water only to have to live there for the next 30 unbearable minutes of your miserable life before you are taken out….no, you still will not be as unlucky as I. Now, here I sit, awaiting a slow certain death in a fancy platter and to make matters worse, I have to watch this hungry giant devour every other member of this feast before he gets to me. Oh and by the way, Salt – you’re not here for Cheerios. You’re here because, as if my life didn’t suck enough already, I can’t even claim the title of being tasty without additives. He is going to sprinkle you over me & eat us together. Is it wrong that I take a slight, devious pleasure in this information?

Milk: I’m with you, Egg. I was squirted from a set of breasticles by a giant who enjoys violating farm animals. And then my mother was sent off to a butcher and is probably sitting in the giant’s refrigerator marinating in A1 sauce. Although, I would say you’ve had it a little worse. At least I get the ocassional Oreo dunk…

Coffee: If I could just get closer…….milk……I could be happy. Oh Milk, how I love you! I hope he doesn’t poor all of you onto Cheerios! Cheerios does not deserve all of your yummy goodness! Milk! Milk! Milk! Sugar! Did I mention I’ve had sugar? I want the giant to drink me already so I can have a party in his tummy! But it’s not a party without milk! He’s taking too much time, he’s slow! DrinkMeDrinkMeDrinkME you baffoon! Party! Milk! Sugar! Coooofffffeeeeeeee! HappyHappyJoyJoyDrinkMeHappyHappyIamLiquidHappinessDrinkMe!!!!!

The Spoons: One of us is for Coffee. One of us is for Cheerios & Milk. We can’t remember which is which. All we know is we get stuck in this liquidy goo, shoved in a germ-infested cave where not-even-God-knows-what gets wiped all over us & then we get thrown into a giant machine where we are soaped up and burned repeatedly before being shoved into a cold, dark drawer with the likes of those troublemakers called Forks.

Fork: Call me a troublemaker again, Spoon. I will stab you.

Napkin: GET! OFF!

Placemat: Really, Napkin? Get off you!? Fork, please stab Napkin the first chance you get.

Cheerios: *British accent* Cheerio!

Pancakes: Tootles!

Cheerios: Cheerio!

Pancakes: Tootles!

Cheerios: CHEER-io!

Pancakes: TootLES!

Cheerios: CHEERIO!

Pancakes: Cheerios…such snobs.

Cheerios: We are not snobs. We can’t help it that everyone loves us & that we’re heart-healthy.

Pancakes: I hope that baby giant shoves one of you up his nose.

Butter: I’m melting! I’m melting! Oh and Cheerios? I’m going to do some serious artery-clogging. Put that in your juicebox and suck it.

Pancakes: I’d give you a high-five, Butter, but….no hands.


In other news, my cousin Jennifer has an album coming out soon & submitted her music to a website based out of Nashville, Tennessee called Highway To Fame. She got accepted to be played there!!! So congrats to her!! The catch is that people have to listen to her music, like and rate her for her to stay on the site so if you’re feeling generous, please consider watching the video below. I don’t know if it will show up as a video for you or not because it’s just showing up as a link for me, but I think it’s because I don’t have flash-player on this computer. Anyway, please support her! For me?? 🙂 You actually would be supporting me, too because I took the clips and the pictures for the video that is posted & I’m singing in Jen’s band when she does her tour…woot woot! So, thank you for your time and support! You rock my mismatched socks!


4 thoughts on “Breakfast Talks…

  1. I might actually try this you, and mention you on the post because you’re the first cuckoo who did it. Wish me luck though, because I don’t have that much humor in me online. :))


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