Snakes, Orphan Dogs & The Eff Word

My minions are funny little people.

This is an abridged version of a conversation I had with my oldest female minion tonight: (For the sake of humor & a tiny semblance of privacy, we’ll call her Minion #2. Minion #1 is my son & Minion #3 is my youngest daughter.) <—obviously.

Minion #2: Mommy! Minion #3 just said a bad word!
Me: Did she really say a bad word or did she say ‘stupid’ or something like that? (Note: I asked this because they frequently tell me ‘stupid’, ‘dumb’ & ‘butt’ are bad words)
Minion #2: No, she said Sh!t!
Me: *Deep breath* Minion #3, you can’t say the bad word either. I know I asked you what she said, but you could have said “the S word” instead of actually saying it.
Minion #2: Oh. Or I could have said ‘the D word, the H word or the F word?’
Me: Yes. *Shakes my head at how many bad words my 6 yr old apparently knows.*
Minion #2: Are there other bad words?
Me: Yes.
Minion #2: Can you tell me ’em?
Me: *Holding back a laugh* Why would I tell you a bunch of words you aren’t supposed to say!? No I’m not gonna tell you that!

Now, someone please tell me why in the world I would give a child a break-down of all the horrible things I don’t want them to say?

Minion #3 saw a stray dog out in our backyard today and being the compassionate little child that she is said, “Aw! Mommy, that poor doggie doesn’t have any parents.” She said this in her most pitiful voice, too. Broke my heart and made me laugh all at the same time.

Minion #1 is under the impression that he is going to get snakes tattooed up and down his arms. He has the temporaries on right now. I can’t wait until he shows those babies off to his Nanna. She’ll jump out of her skin and run half-way across the world before he can even get out the words “they’re fake!” I’m hoping his desire to get fanged reptiles forever imbedded into his skin will wear off with time; hopefully that time will consist of three days. Or less.

I mostly just posted this because I had a very demanding urge to write. The problem is that I have little to write about at the moment. I need inspiration & I’m finding that I’m running a little low this week. I don’t know what it is, but I’ve been feeling – for lack of a better term – BLAH tonight. I was fine until the hubs got home and I discovered that he was in an incredibly bad mood and somehow between that and Minion #2 getting into my purse, wasting my makeup and sprinkling bright green glitter all over the van that we’re currently renting while our car is in the shop [seriously, it looked like Edward Cullen peed everywhere] …my mood just plummeted. It happens though. Kids do those kinds of things and then 20 minutes later, they’re making you smile again. While I might want to post THIS PICTURE with the caption “SOMEBODY SHOOT ME”, I won’t. When I die, I want to be remembered as an optimist… :p



8 thoughts on “Snakes, Orphan Dogs & The Eff Word

    • I did not, but I won’t be sharing this information with my 7 year old even though I know he’ll love it lol. Maybe over the summer I can amaze him with this “trick” lol.

  1. Loved the post! M y oldest is getting to the point where repeating curse words is funny and a test of our authority. I think the hardest part of getting them to stop and understand it is bad is holding back the giggles, at least the first couple time it happens or depending on how it is used. Example;

    Raeden: I’m a gonna go shopping with gan-ma.
    Me: What are you shopping for today?
    Raeden: A new game. (he had just gotten a Leapster Explorer)
    Me: I thought Gan-ma got you a game…
    Raeden: We need a new game daddy, gan-ma got the wrong f@%#ing one.
    Me: (choking down my own laughter) Raeden Maverick! That is a bad word we do not say that. Now say sorry to daddy and gan-ma.
    Raeden: Sorry daddy, sorry gan-ma.
    Me: where did you learn that word R?
    Raeden: Harry said it daddy. (that would be his little 2 year old brother who does not say that word yet)

    Anyway he still pops a few bad words out when he discovers new ones but it is not very often.

    • That’s hilarious! And I bet he probably said it with just the right amount of irritation in his voice, too, huh? I know they all do it and I managed to hold back the giggles this time, but when my (then) 2 year old was sitting on the floor playing with ponies singing (in the sweetest voice you can imagine) “what the f!@k, whaaaaaat the fu@@@@@!!!!k” I had to giggle in private before I was even able to get on to her.

  2. I love the things kids do. I kept a diary written to each of my sons of things they did and going back and reading it was so much fun. I think they all hit that swear word phase. My favorite story..not of swear words but of determination to do what he is not supposed to do is the day I think it was the preacher and his wife coming to visit, I had made coffee and had a tray of donuts and muffins. I told my sons not to lay one finger on those donuts or muffins while I went in to get to tray with the coffee cups. This was right before the guests arrived. I come back in to find my then 3 year old with is hands clasped behind his back leaning over and eating the tops off the donuts and muffins. I managed to get out for him to go sit on the couch but had to step back around the corner and laughed til I cried and then bit the insides of my mouth until it hurt. I grabbed the tray and ran back to the kitchen to slice the donuts into halvess and to cut the muffins into slices..or whatever worked best to hide the damage but my preacher…who loved kids..knew instantly

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