Jellybeans, Piano’s & Eels

Yesterday’s post is the catalyst for today’s post.

We talked about the fact that what doesn’t kill you doesn’t necessarily make you stronger, but now I want to talk about what does kill you. Morbid, right? I guess I’ve been watching too much 1000 Ways To Die on the Spike channel.

(Death By Eel was particularly gruesome. That link isn’t for the 1000 Ways To Die episode; it’s the news report on the real-life story, but it’s gross so if you’ve got a weak stomach, I suggest you don’t watch it. However, the part where the guy says “that is unfortunate” is probably the funniest thing I’ve heard all week because it’s like the understatement of the century. If that eel-guy is a ghost, I can guarantee he’s haunting you right now Mr. News Man because an eel in your rectum is a tad bit more than “unfortunate.” Of course, he’s probably coming to my house next because I totally just referred to him as “eel guy.”)

Now, if you want to see how good I am (or how obsessed & unstable I am, depending on who you ask) I am going to segue this topic into vampires. Do you believe it? If you’ve visited this blog for more than 5 minutes, I bet you do!

What kills you:

  1. Infected paper cuts (thanks TarBear!)
  2. Crazy people with guns
  3. Crazy people with sharp utensils of any sort
  4. Crazy people with things that crazy people crazily kill other people with
  5. Pillows (laid over your face by some individual with gorilla strength)
  6. Water. (If you stay under it too long, it has some….adverse effects.)
  7. Leather belts that just happen to be placed around your neck
  8. Death by Jellybean…in the throat (Thanks husband!)
  9. Piano on the head
  10. Mad Cow Disease

Bet you thought I was gonna put vampires in that list, didn’t you?  But no…I’m not quite that predictable! So there you are. With all the things it’s possible for you to die from, why are so many of us afraid of potentially harmless situations like…I don’t know…telling someone you like them. When a piano falls out of the sky and squashes them, you’ll really wish you had said something. You know…something like “Look out!” would be ideal.

While you think about other things that could kill you, I’ve got another list! I like lists 🙂

Things That Kill You AND Make You Stronger

  1. Vampires

(Okay, so maybe I am a little predictable.)


4 thoughts on “Jellybeans, Piano’s & Eels

  1. Pingback: Aesop Is My Homeboy « Bethylicious

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