No matter what he tells you, he is not respecting you if he says he wants to give you a massage, but that you need to take your shirt off for it. Even if he says he’ll look away while you undress and lay down, even if he covers you with a sheet and even if you end up letting him do it and he doesn’t touch a thing except your back – he’s not being respectful. He’s trying to get you to want to take more of your clothes off not to mention feeling you up in the process. The next time he wants to give you a massage, he’ll want to massage your legs, too and surely he won’t be able to do that “the right way” unless your pants come off. It’s not sweet. It’s not genuine. He’s just horny. Face it.
If you’re walking into a crowded room somewhere and he chooses that moment to run his hand gently down from your back to your butt – that’s not respect; it’s him displaying ownership and by default, his own insecurity issues (which, to be fair – we all have). If he does this in front of your family, that’s even more disrespectful.
If you’re on a date and your 17-year old boyfriend tells you he wants to stop at a deserted park and gaze at the stars with you – please, for the love of all that is holy, please – tell that boy he is full of crap. Like 10 pounds of crap in a 5 pound sack. All he wants to do is gaze at your chest while you’re rambling about how pretty the moon is. Your boyfriend does not give a flying flock of geese about the moon. All he cares about is copping a feel in the car before he takes you home. Again, not respectful. It’s not love. It’s lust. Learn the difference enough to recognize it when it creeps up on you later. I say when, not if and that’s assuming you haven’t experienced this already. Sadly, it happens far too young for most of you. *Addition to original post —> *Because, whether you want to admit it or not, most of you don’t really, fully and entirely understand what’s going on. You’re driven by your emotions & it’s great to be aware of how you’re feeling, but it’s also important to let you head lead the way in certain situations. It could save you a lot of heartbreak & embarrassment later on.
Please understand that you’re going to see adults in adult relationshipsdo these kinds of things and that does change the whole dynamic. It’s okay for a husband to give his wife a half-naked message, okay? But it’s not okay for a fifteen year old who is still finding themselves and learning about life. So don’t go up to your dad when you see him playfully grabbing your mom’s butt in the kitchen and tell him he’s not respecting her…I don’t think I can deal with the hate mail I would receive from such a scenario.
Anyway, the case I’m making here is this; if he only wants to get in your pants – STOP LETTING HIM! Start being smart with all this power you have over your own life because this isn’t just about sex and boys and people acting like idiots whose brains are all holed up inside their genitals; it’s about your whole life. The decisions you make now shape the way the rest of your life unfolds. So make smart ones. Love the people who genuinely love you and stop worrying so much about that boy in your history class that won’t give you a second glance because he’s too busy banging Susy-Huge-Boobs to take any notice of a girl who actually has some brains and self-respect. That is the most important part right there. You have to have respect for yourself if you want anyone else to respect you. Respect your body and the things that you do with it and somewhere down the road, you will find some amazing guy who will love you for the woman that you are & not just pretend to so he can get something out of you.
That’s it for this installment! But there’s more! (I told you this post was long. Breaking it up is proving to be a larger undertaking than I initially expected.) Come back tomorrow for a look at Dear Females; Part 5. It’s got some humor, I promise! 🙂