Part 6!? Don’t people normally stop at 3? Oh well…if you’re here, that must mean I’m doin’ somethin’ right even if I am takin’ a long time to do it! 🙂
I crushed the souls of the younger generation so it’s only fair if I move on.
So now I’m talking to those of you who consider yourselves grown. Those of you that are currently in or have been in mature relationships.
All the stuff in Dear Females: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 & Part 5 applies to you, too. I know it seems a little ridiculous, but like I said in the disclaimer, take what applies to you and leave the rest. There are some things in there that really do apply for adult relationships because, unfortunately, we still have 40 year old men acting like 19 year olds and subsequently, hooking up with 19 year olds. Seriously? Just…ew.
It goes back to what I was saying about what makes the world spin for men and women. Women want love so we foolishly give men sex to get it. That’s wrong! That’s all they want and as soon as they get what they want, you’re left with sore lady-business and a broken heart. You want the man to love you? Make him work for the sex. While he’s doing all this working, he’ll be learning how to appreciate you and, more importantly, how to love you in the process. You don’t give your kids their allowance if they haven’t earned it by doing their chores, right? It’s the same thing.
Then, when you finally get the man to love you so much that he can’t see his life without you in it and thus, feels he needs to propose; don’t turn into one of those crazy Bride-zilla’s! He’ll start rethinking his decision to marry you once he sees how much of a freakish control-freak you can be! I get it; weddings are stressful. They make everybody crazy with all the planning and details, not to mention the emotional stuff an impending marriage can bring along with it. The point is not to get so caught up in all that, that you forget why you’re getting married in the first place. It’s your first introduction to what living life with the same person forever is going to be like and you have to communicate to get through it. That means turn the bride-zilla switch off for 2-seconds and remember to tell your soon-to-be hubby that you still love him and not just the giant rock he put on your finger.
Then comes the honey-moon. No comment on that one…
After that is when all the hard stuff happens. You realize that your other half is not perfect and that their feet are really, really stinky. And heaven forbid you walk into the bathroom behind them…
Your bills pile up, you work too much and don’t give yourself enough date nights. You get stressed out. Then you have kids and get even more stressed out. Before you know it, you’re yelling at each other almost everyday or else just not talking at all. And you certainly stop *bow chicka wow wow*…
Are all marriages that way? No.
Is there a huge stereo-type on marriage that says it is? Absolutely.
Is it that way sometimes, though? Duh. Of course. But you don’t have to get divorced over it.
It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything “wrong” exactly or that your marriage is doomed to fail. It just means you need to get educated about your spouse, what they need, what they like, what’s different about them, what is still the same, what’s going on with them ect… Communicate a little more and communicate better. And I do not mean communicating that you “hate that fat S.O.B” or whatever colorful expletives you can pour out of your mouth depending on your emotional state that day. I mean stopping everything else in your life and focusing on the person that you vowed to love most in the world.
Don’t use your kids as an excuse for why you can’t ever have a moment alone. Your relationship dilemma’s are not their fault. You have locks on your bedroom doors – use them. And if you don’t – buy one and use it! They can entertain themselves for 5 minutes a day while you talk and if that’s all the time you can get in, do it. Five minutes a day of real communication (ie. not just coordinating schedules but really talking – “how are you feeling today?” “Is there anything I can do for you today?” That kind of talking!) is better than none at all. Keep doing it until you can work up more time together or do it at a time when your kids are sleeping or
otherwise engaged not up your butt. Even if you’re tired or just not feeling it at the moment, take the time to connect with your spouse. If you can do that even when you’re 30 seconds away from a dead sleep or killing somebody, that is a way to show them that they are a priority. You can sleep when you’re dead – your husband is right here right now and he needs to know that he matters to you just as much as your kids, your career, your hobby or whatever else it is that you spend hours doing when you could be spending time with him.
Tomorrow I’ll be sharing the treatment for Butt-Leeches (i.e…your kids) so don’t miss that one!!