Slackers, Swiss Rolls and….Dog Poo?

And the ‘Slacker of The Year’ award goes to…

*Totally Silent & Therefore Unnecessary Drum Roll Please*

Yeah…me. I won! I won! Except I didn’t because I probably lost about 300 readers. But you know, it’s all good. I’ll tempt them back in with my irresistible weirdness.

Rather than recap you on why I’ve been absent (because it’s really not worth recapping – hello, I have a life! See the beautiful faces on the banner above…) I’ll just jump right back in here with randomness. This morning I had a swiss roll for breakfast. Actually, I had an apple for breakfast and a swiss roll for 2nd breakfast.


I fear that a horrible, predictable thing is happening to me. See, I want to lose a little weight. There’s only a billion other women on the planet who aspire to that same goal. But there’s this crazy phenomena that happens as soon as a woman says these words out loud. The universe swoops down on her and begs her to consume every sugar-packed, cream-filled, fatty substance available on Earth. It’s a proven fact and I’ll even list my fact-gathering references.

Reference #1: I said I wanted to lose a little weight and the universe suddenly swooped down on me and begged me to consume every sugar-packed, cream-filled, fatty substance available on Earth. And I probably eat more horribly now than I did before I uttered those terrible words. See how cohesive this slacker theme is becoming now?

Reference #2: See reference #1. This should be all the proof you need.

So how can we conquer this evil plan the universe has put  into motion? I have a theory. It involves saying aloud that you want to GAIN weight. Take THAT, Universe! Reverse Psychology!

Unfortunately, I already tried that and the universe was totally on to me. She’s such a beeeeeeeeeeep.

What I need is a buddy. Someone to message me in the morning and tell me they’ll chop my hand off and feed it to the gators if I even think about touching a swiss roll at 9 a.m. Someone to relentlessly badger me into working out and drag me along on walks if they have to. Basically, I need a health and fitness babysitter. A health and fitness babysitter that works for free. Know anyone like that? I certainly don’t. Good thing I’m training my dog to be a great walking companion. Maybe I can get a moderate amount of exercise despite the fact that he has to stop every 2 minutes to hike his leg. And if I’m very unlucky, maybe he’ll leave a present in the grass along the way that will help heighten my determination to run the hell away. 🙂

Yeah, so this is where we are. I’m now counting on my dogs bowel movements to prompt me to exercise and the vacant threat of crocodile water to deter me from eating a swiss roll.

Anyone else ready to join the “Doomed To Fail” club??





3 thoughts on “Slackers, Swiss Rolls and….Dog Poo?

  1. Call me. We will go work out on the elipitical, gazelle, and walk at the CTR. Lets coordinate our schedules so that this can happen. You know I have a weight loss/maintain goal myself. And you are more than welcome to borrow my motivation as your own; you know what it is and it really works.
    Love, Momma

    • My biggest issue is my sugar intake and not even from sweets, but from sweet tea. It’s a southern thing. So I’m cutting out soda entirely and lessening the amount of sweet tea that I drink. I also love chips a little too much so instead of cutting them out entirely I’m allowing myself to have a serving when I get a craving for them. I’m walking my dogs a lot and I’ve resolved to get a dancing game for my wii that I can play with my girls to help me get some activity in when I’m not feeling like doing anything. Oh, and water…lots of water. It doesn’t really sound like that dramatic of a change, but I’m not severely overweight or anything so I don’t want to over-do it…I just want to fit into last years pants again, lol. If I could get 10 pounds, I’ll be good, but if I can lose 20 that will be fantastic! It will put me back at my pre-baby weight 🙂 I’m using myfitnesspal to count calories, too, but to be honest that isn’t going so well because I forget to catalog everything that I eat and my exercise everyday. I remember about once a week lol. If that!! haha. But I’m getting there. My “fat jeans” are pretty much falling off my ass now so that’s a good sign!! 🙂

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