They’re Coming To Take You Away, HAHA!

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I believe the FBI or the CIA or the ABC’s (or whatever they call themselves these days) has/have infiltrated the music business. You know how just about anyone in show-biz can get away with pretty much everything? I always thought that it was just because they had the money to buy themselves out of trouble. That is, until today.

I still believe that they have the money to buy their way out of troublesome situations, but I’m also inclined to believe that the powers of law enforcement have even more enormous egos than that of the people in Hollywood and have therefore conspired not to let our entertainers think they run things by making a very sneaky power-play. I believe they’ve had a theoretical – how shall I word it? – “measuring contest” and despite the cast of Magic Mike’s best efforts, the law guys came out on top.

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Just hang with me for a second (no pun intended) while I explain my theory and how I came up with it.

It was The Script that started all this y’all. They put police sirens near the end of one of their songs. I know they’re not anywhere near the first artists to do this and I’ve had these same thoughts when I’ve heard sirens in other people’s music, but I didn’t have a blog then so that’s how y’all escaped without having to hear about it. 😛

My first thought was to tell the Musical Powers That Be that they really shouldn’t put sirens in songs owing to the logic that most people listen to their music in their cars and hearing sirens in the background is so disconcerting for the general traffic violating public that it could cause them to have a wreck and die. A bit dramatic? Perhaps.

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But, then as I thought more and more, it occurred to me that only those who are really guilty or crazy paranoid would have a reaction dramatic enough to cause them to wreck and die. The rest of us would be concerned – maybe look in our rearview mirror and/or tap the breaks slightly – for about a nanosecond before we realized, “okay idjit – it’s only the radio.”

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The guiltier of us would have a more pronounced response like slamming on the breaks so suddenly the car behind crashes into us.

The Super Guilty and Paranoid would be too consumed with trying to hide all the drugs to notice that it’s just the radio until several minutes have passed, the siren’s have faded, they’ve repented and asked God to please, please save them, become born again Christians and THEN – after all that – they would finally realize they aren’t in a prison cell with their very own Bubba or Big Susy to keep them company.

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That’s when it hit me. The record companies and law-enforcement have struck a deal. This is, in my opinion, what has kept rappers out of jail for so long. They just throw sirens into their music to appease the cops so they can continue getting arrested and released two hours later and the cops get the benefit of a simple scare-tactic they can use to “get” ANYBODY without actually getting them. It’s like a random gut-check – the ultimate prank.

So in conclusion, every time you slam on breaks because you heard a siren in your favorite song, a cop just punked you without even having to be there. Ashton Kutcher would be so proud.

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