Today we’re going to talk about insecurity. Someone I love a bunch wanted to hear my thoughts on it and since I’ve got so many thoughts I think I might split this post into parts. My brother seems to think I need to work on my length when blogging so I’m going start posting novella’s instead of full blown novels. Just for you, Ryan, just for you.
We find insecurity all over the place these days. In children, teens, girls, boys, women, men, basically every relationship on the planet…but for the sake of simplifying this post, I’m going to talk about insecurity only as it pertains to relationships since that seems to be the area I get asked about the most for whatever reason. I’ve seen it go three ways.
1.) The Fairytale People:
There’s the couple that seems to be impervious to insecurity and the problems it creates in relationships. This is the couple that never challenges their faith in one another. Their word to each other is the only one that matters, naysayers and “haters” be damned! When they feel even a modicum of doubt, they don’t let it fester – they work it out together and without the influence of outsiders. We don’t have too many of those and all the ones we’ve actually heard about generally only exist in works of fiction.
There’s the couple that have hurt each other in some form or another in the past and every day is a struggle for one or both of them to trust the other. They intentionally choose to show faith and trust in each other anyway because their relationship is just that important to them. The effort and the work it takes to stay positive and become more secure in their relationship is worth it to them. They’re typically strong-willed, passionate people that simply refuse to give up. We have more of these than group #1, but WAY less of these than group #3.
These are the most common group of people. These are the people who let insecurity and skepticism wreak havoc on their union. A lot of the time they choose to stay together, but for what? When even one of you has steady feelings of doubt about the other’s actions and intentions, it creates a hole in your relationship. A hole that most of the people in this group choose to fill with unnecessary shenanigans and general jackassery.
Today’s post is focused on group number one. I’ve already summed them up in the statement above so it won’t take long to reiterate. Basically, they don’t act like jackasses. They hold their relationship with each other in highest esteem and give it the most prominent position on their to-do lists. Their commitment to one another takes priority over everyone and everything else. They have conflicts & obstacles they must overcome like everyone else, but they never question one’s loyalty to the other and they always try to remember they’re playing on the same team with the same ultimate goal. That makes it seem a lot easier to conquer the hardships they’re faced with. They work hard for each other and more importantly, they do it together.
We have so few couples like this that it’s hard to even imagine that one exists, but they do exist somewhere. They look just like the rest of us. They even argue just like the rest of us. The difference is that they don’t work against each other. They work together to find solutions to their problems and they don’t let outsiders cloud their view of each other or compromise the integrity of their relationship.
I’m not saying it’s an easy group to be in or that these couples didn’t scratch and claw their way there, because the truth is that it’s undoubtedly the hardest association to work your way into. This crowd consists of people that were initially in group #2 or #3 and they fought hard to get where they are. Most people give up long before they reach this group. That’s why there’s not too many people in it. It’s kind of an elitist club if you think about it.
No matter what category you currently fall under, this should be the one your marriage should consistently be climbing towards. If it seems impossible and overwhelming, don’t get discouraged. Remember, it’s a marathon – not a sprint.
We get to talk about group number two tomorrow and then I’ll have fun with the neanderthals in group number three the following day!