I struggled with how to begin this post. I didn’t know if I wanted to share it publicly or just write it for myself. Eventually, I decided to put my fingers on the keys and let whatever word vomit occurred to me spill out so if this is a crap post, you can blame it on the copious quantities of caffeine I’ve consumed today and the fact that my phone keeps incessantly interrupting me with things like, “PUDDING!” and “You can turn it off…there’s like a button you can press.” If you know for a fact those are your designated text tones, this post doesn’t apply to you & I’m totally using the word “interrupting” in an endearing fashion. 😉 There are plenty that won’t really understand this post, but there are a few close to me who will. This is for you. Take from it what you will.
I’m finding that the quote above is so, so very true. I know many people who have experienced scenarios where someone they love dearly is abruptly (or sometimes, not so abruptly) removed from their lives for reasons outside their control. They don’t understand, it doesn’t make sense and it hurts. It’s painful when you have a long relationship with someone – romantic, platonic or otherwise – that just ends without you being able to understand the reasoning behind it.
There’s at least one friend in my life that I can think of right now who I thought I would ALWAYS be close to. I thought we had that sort of unbreakable bond; the kind that lasts no matter how many years pass or how long we go without talking to each other. A friend that doesn’t judge me too harshly for not being perfect, but smacks me when I need it &/or lets me confide in them with the promise that they won’t betray my confidence. Or, at the very least, the kind of friend who I would always be friends with if only because we know too much stuff about each other.
I think I’ve known for a while now that our relationship has changed. We’ve grown to be different people and our lives have taken us down different paths. Neither path is better or worse than the other…it is what it is. We’re both still good people. We still have things in common, but our friendship lacked substance. It was built on fun, carefree moments, lots of laughs and the tiniest bit of high school drama. We’re different now. I’m kind of sad that we don’t seem to share the same bond we once had, but I’m not as broken-hearted as I thought I’d be. I realize that she will always be in my heart. We will always have good memories together; I just don’t think we’ll be making very many new ones. We’ve grown apart.
Honestly, it’s okay. I feel at peace with that. When I think about my friend, it will be with fondness & I’ll still be there for her if she ever needs me. I have simply reached a point where I’ve decided that I don’t want to put anymore energy into maintaining relationships with people who don’t value me the same way I value them. It’s nobody’s fault. Sometimes things just pan out that way. Life is too short and my attempts to hold on to our friendship have started to feel a little like kicking a dead horse. These are not the kind of relationships I want to have.
I believe relationships of every kind are a two-way street & they take work. I guess I feel like maybe my friend had higher priorities than maintaining her friendship with me and that’s okay. I’m not trying to sound pretentious, hurtful or condescending. Again, it is what it is.
I believe she still regards me with fondness but somewhere along the way, without much warning or reason, we stopped putting in the effort it takes to stay connected. I’m thankful for all the awesome memories we have and for the lessons we (both – hopefully) learned from each other.
That’s enough for me.
There is someone I love very much who hasn’t had very good luck in the friend department and I just wanted to let her know that she’s not alone and it’s not the end of the world. You can move on to better things (& people) that will be much more beneficial to your life. It doesn’t mean that you forget about old friends or that you can’t still love and appreciate those people. I do think, that at some point, you have to accept that those people are in your past and take the lessons they’ve taught you into your future friendships. Don’t let past hurts keep you from experiencing potentially amazing things. Life is far too short to live every moment worried about people &/or situations you can’t control. Appreciate what you had, but don’t take for granted what you’ve got right now. ❤
It’s good enough to post twice: