On Wednesday I was supposed to write about where I’ll be in 5 years. I tried. I really, really tried. I even had a fun thing planned (sort of a choose-your-own-adventure/alternate-ending kinda thing) but I just couldn’t get it together. I feel like I’ve hit a wall with this post & that no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to write anything worth reading. Instead of telling you what I don’t know or trying to imagine some impossible future where I finally get my acceptance letter & ride a unicorn off to Hogwarts, I’m just going to tell you what I do know.
Nothing is certain.
It used to sound so appealing to me to find a place, settle down there & not have to move again, but now I can’t think of anything more depressing than spending my life in the same old place, doing the same old things & never experiencing anything new. I think the little bit of gypsy in my blood has decided to wake up & it has made me want to go to ALL THE PLACES. If I had both the brains and the patience, I’d probably just sell all my crap, buy a huge RV, & homeschool my children while traveling around the world. Then I remember that part of selling all my crap includes my house (which I love), & that even though I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do with my life yet, I do know that it isn’t teaching. Teaching is not one of my gifts, lol. Besides that, my husband farts too much; I don’t want to be stuck in any small space for an extended period of time where he might have control over the windows. I also know that my desire to wander at the moment isn’t driven solely by a desire to see the world (though I do want to do that); I think it’s because I feel kinda aimless, & I have no idea what to do or where to go next.
I’ve been in limbo for a while, not really sure what my personal future holds or what I want to do with it & I hate that feeling. This is the first time in my life I’ve not had some sort of plan or goal. At first, I was just enjoying the ride…seeing where the road takes me. The road didn’t really do anything but confuse me more. :p Now that I’m ready to hop out of the backseat & drive again…I can’t figure out where I want to drive to. Do you know how frustrating that is?!
One of the only things I do know is that our lease ends soon & when that happens I’ll be back home in Georgia. My house needs quite a bit of TLC so while we’re working on that I’ll have plenty of time to think about what I want to do next. All I want to do right now is finish this post I’ve been struggling over for days & drink the diabetes in a cup (sweet tea) my daughter so kindly brought to me this morning.