Let’s Be Like Negan

You know what I HATE? Those articles I see all over facebook about what everyone hates. You know the ones. You’ve hidden & blocked & snoozed, yet they still keep cropping up in your news feed.

  • 10 Things You’ve Been Doing Wrong Your Whole Life
  • 11 Ways You’re Making Your Face Look Old
  • 97 Things You Should Never Say To Your [insert title here] (Hair Stylist/Photographer/Massage Therapist/Yoga Instructor/Life Coach/Pre-Schooler etc.)
  • 7 Types of Parents Teachers Hate: Which One Are You?
  • 8 Super Unattractive Things You’re Definitely Doing & How You’re Destined To Die Alone
  • 5,972 Ways You Totally Suck At Life

If you hate those articles I’m here to make you a very happy person. I’ve seen it suggested multiple times that someone should even the score. For every “7 Things Every Makeup Artist Hates About Their Clients ” article it’s been suggested that there be one “7 Things Your Client Hates About You” article to counter it.

Well…I’m not here to do that.


Don’t you think our society has enough needless anxiety already? Trusting someone else with your hair/face/health/safety/memories/children is hard enough without the constant pressure to tailer yourself, or your actions & reactions to ones deemed acceptable by your current company. Courtesy is one thing, but if the anxiety of needing to be accepted is interfering with your daily life or your sense of self, it’s a problem. It seems the #2 way to get someone to click on your post is to prey on their insecurities. (We all know what #1 is *bow chicka wow wow* I gave up rolling my eyes for lent or else there would be a fantastic gif here.) Tell them you’ve got something they don’t & they’ll feel like they need it to be happy. Make them feel like they’re lacking in some way and they’ll want to know how to fix it. Or maybe they just want a feel a little better about themselves so they click on the article to read about all the things that other people are doing wrong, but surely they’re doing them right…right?

How about we just do away with all of that?

For once, this is an area where it pays to be a little bit like Negan.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather read something nice about myself. I already know all the ways I’m failing. I’m so good at anxiety that I can even second-guess myself over things I’m mostly confident about. I KNOW that I’ve been bathing correctly my entire life (or at least since I hit 13 anyway, if we’re being completely honest) but those articles still have a way of making me doubt myself enough to click on them occasionally. My kids are pretty great – respectful, thoughtful, compassionate, intelligent, sarcastic, funny, resilient (and I’m not just saying that because I’m their mom) – but some days I just don’t know if I’m doing this parenting thing well enough. Maybe I’m guilty of saying something to my kids that is going to destroy their spirit & counteract every good thing I’ve ever taught them? As if the second-guessing wasn’t bad enough on its own, I then get mad at myself for taking precious time out of my day to read even one sentence of that kind of subversive garbage so I close it out & silently berate myself for being stupid. Productive, huh?

So, let’s shut it down.

I’d like it way better if people led with compliments rather than criticism, confidence instead of conceit, kindness in lieu of hostility, authenticity over comparison. Humor. Humility. Honesty. So, that’s what I’m going to do, and not just today; every day. As often as possible.

Anytime I feel like saying something I’m going to ask myself if it’s constructive to do so. Is it true? Can anything positive come out of what I’m about to say? Is it being said with love & good will? If not, then I have two options:

A.) Do what my mama said and keep it to myself

B.) (If I still feel like it needs to be said) Reframe what I need to say in a positive light so as to be clear about the good intentions behind it as opposed to just word vomiting all over someone & leaving them like this poor guy:

He does not know what life is right now. He “can’t even.”

So, this is what we’re gonna do (& yes, the self-proclaimed grammar nazi is comfortable saying “gonna”):

Let’s flip the script & use those articles for good. Send me an inane article you hate. Inbox me. Email me a link. Tag me in it on facebook when you see it. I’ll take as many as I can and reframe them in a positive (hopefully hilarious) way and post them here with a nod back to the original. Then, maybe we can share the shitaki mushrooms out of ours & replace a lot of the negative junk in our news feeds. So, go ahead – don’t be afraid of, annoyed, or “triggered” by those posts anymore. Let’s be amused, affirmed, & enlightened by them instead. ❤


K…an We Talk About Text Etiquette?

Good Morning Friends! Happy Friday! (If you’re reading this from Facebook, for the love of all that is holy, just CLICK THE LINK. Thank you) 🙂

Now that the 30 day 60 day blog challenge is over, it’s time to talk about something else & today I want to talk about the alphabet. There are numerous languages, each having its own unique means of written communication, but for today we are going to focus on the English alphabet; just 26 letters is all it takes to create all the words you see here & many, many more. It’s pretty amazing when you think about it. We can say anything we want to say with the use of just 26 letters, & maybe the occasional emoji (or not so occasional if you’re like me & people don’t know you’re kidding unless you use a smiley at the end of everything). What happens when we have all these magnificent options at our disposal and we choose to use only one of them? You know which one. That’s right…the obnoxious “K.”


We’re all probably guilty, but let’s examine this for a moment. Why do we do this? Are we just getting so many texts that all we can manage to muster is a single letter before we move on to the next text? Like celebrities: when you get their autograph they always write “best wishes” or something arbitrary followed by an “x” (or an “xo” if you’re really lucky) and a scribble that looks vaguely like it might contain at least one actual letter of their name. Then you get shoved down the line so the super important celebrity can lather, rinse & repeat with the hundreds of people behind you. Are we that important that we can’t wrangle up at least one extra letter? “OK,” perhaps? (Though, to be honest, that’s probably only marginally less annoying than “K.”)

What about the days when you were charged by the text, both incoming and outgoing? I can’t be the only one who got more than a little annoyed when someone cost me 10 cents just to say, “K.” For 10 cents you better have been sending me a full sentence complete with no unnecessary shorthand & proper punctuation.


I know the point I made above is now considered moot since the majority of us are fortunate enough to be on some sort of plan which allows for unlimited texting, so why is this “K” thing still so annoying? For me there are two reasons:

1.) “K” has too many possible interpretations.

K, what?

As in, “Ok, Cool,” “I’m looking forward to it,” or ‘K’ as in “whatever. I’m done talking to you, you chatty nerd.” Or, “I’m sorry, my hands were bitten off by a t-rex & I can only text with my nose. ‘K’ is the best I can do.” The most terrifying thing to go through my mind might be, “K. Because I’m going to feed you to a shark. Shark has K in it.”


135ee6abbb34c616b6b3144d97f77e65-jpgWhat do you mean?! There are no tonal clues with the letter K. There are no facial cues, no body language we can assess to determine if this letter is friendly or if this letter has nefarious, diabolical plans which include me ending up with a hole in my neck. Those of us with anxious brains prone to over-thinking need answers to these questions.


2.) Time. I am busy. Maybe not I get 5000 texts in a day because I’m so important busy, but I do have a husband, 3 kids, a small business, a need to take time out to exercise, errands to run, a dog to walk, bills to pay, homework to help with, & endless amounts of laundry & dishes to do. I’m busy the way most of us are busy so while my time may not be any more or less important than yours, stopping what I’m doing to find my phone (which, at this point, is basically always on a charger which is not in the same room with me) just to read one lonely letter & nearly have a panic attack over the possible meanings of that letter & how to respond (or not), feels like a waste of time, energy, & internet data.

Bonus reason: while I know this is not always the intention, it can be rude.

Of course, we’re all going to do it every now and then, but if you frequently reply with a letter when I’m trying to have a conversation with you, please know that I’ve thought about cutting you.

Me: Hey, love! How are you?

Them: k

Me: K, good? or K, bad?

Them: just k

Me: There is no such thing as “just k.”

Them: k

Me: *screams*


Can you relate? Does ‘K’ bother you? Why or why not? Do you have any fun reasons to add or creative responses to people who frequently do the ‘K’ thing? I’m planning a post on how to respond to ‘K’ and I’d love to see your best answers!

From One Southern Girl To The Whole Internet

From one Southern girl to the whole internet:

A contraction is made when two individual words are put together where the apostrophe takes the place of the missing letter(s), right? So why do some of y’all have so much trouble with the spelling of the word “y’all?”

You all. What letters do you take out when you put those two words together? The “o” and the “u” in “you.”

You – ou + ‘ + all = y’all.

In case that didn’t make sense:


The things Southern girls get fired up about…y’all will have to excuse me.





To, Too, Two, & Tutu


  1. A location. I’m going to the store.
  2. Identifying a person or thing affected. You were such a jerk to her.
  3. To be closed or nearly closed. Please pull the door to. 



  1. Excessively. Dean Winchester drives too fast. Beth is way too obsessed with fictional characters.
  2. Also. I like Supernatural too. I like Supernatural also. (The number one thing you can say to instantly make a friend out of me. The number two thing is liking this post.)



  1. Number. Quantity. My favorite shows all center around two brothers…I’m sensing a theme here. 



  1. Has nothing to do with this post, but here is my Saint Bernard that I, regretfully, did not name Nana.


I’m A Jerk

I’m that jerk that posts about grammar on Facebook. I know most people hate that, but I really don’t care…especially if you learn something from it.

Screen Shot 2015-12-04 at 11.29.02 AM

People teach me things all the time.

I know nothing about mechanics of any sort. Science is cool & I can comprehend most of what I read/hear about it, but I couldn’t satisfactorily explain a chemical reaction to you without first googling how to explain it. I’m terrible at math. Like…get-out-a-calculator-to-figure-out-what-your-change-is terrible at math. Sure, I don’t actually need the calculator for basic math, but I feel so much more confident with one…kind of like how you don’t need a blanket huge enough to be tucked under your feet and pulled all the way up to your chin, but you just feel safer when you have it. I can’t spray paint extraordinary space-scapes in six minutes on the sidewalks of New York and sell them for hundreds of dollars. scan4I can draw a stick figure and mushrooms, take a decent photograph, and scrapbook…that’s about where we draw the line on my artistic ability. I can’t make pretty pancakes or do amazing things with makeup.

There are countless people who are better than I am at a million different things.

Grammar is my shit though.

Screen Shot 2015-12-04 at 11.28.04 AM

I’m not saying I’m the best at it or that I never make mistakes. This blog is proof that I make plenty of mistakes, especially if you go back a few years. (You’ll be happy to know that I have since learned the appropriate spelling is “monkeys.”) <—I feel like I was high when I wrote that, but I’ve never been high a day in my life so I can only imagine the feeling.

Anyway, I don’t entirely suck at grammar and that’s the reason I still have a blog, and the reason I’m a jerk on Facebook. If you like Facebook Jerks (lol…no pun intended) or feel like we’re grammar soul-mates or something, then feel free to follow my blog where I will now be sharing all of my grammar-jerkiness.

Courtesy; It’s a Thing. Look It Up.

I’m here today to give you a random lesson in etiquette.

Generally speaking, I’m not a bitter or judgmental person. But, there are things…*sigh*….there are things that will make me stop & consider whether or not you were just never taught or if you are, in fact, an excretory opening at the end of the alimentary canal; or, in simpler terms: an asshole.

A few of these things land you closer to the ‘Full-On A-Hole’ end of the spectrum without much thought, but there are some less offensive infractions that, while annoying, don’t make you an “excretory opening.” One of those things involves etiquette in its written form.


If you are expecting someone to perform a service for you, a little thoughtfulness goes a long way. If I send you a friendly, respectfully worded message with complete sentences & full consideration of what is most conducive for you & your needs, then the least you could do is respond with a little friendliness of your own. Do not send me an email with one incomplete sentence or a short, one-word answer and ignore everything else I said. That’s just rude.

If I send this:

Hey Lucy!

I’m so glad you made it to Jane’s party. It was really great to meet you there! Thank you so much for requesting a party of your own. I’m excited to work out the details and get something set up for you! Have you given any thought to what your expectations are for your party? If you haven’t, no worries, we can figure it out together. Are you available on (day, time, etc.)? Please let me know if there is anything else I can assist you with!

Hope to hear from you soon,


And you respond with this:




I don’t know what to do with that. I don’t know if you’re having second thoughts about working with me, if something is going on in your life and you just didn’t have the energy to expend on responding to me…if you’re simply ignorant, just don’t like typing, or which of my questions you’re responding to. I don’t even know if that’s you to be honest because you didn’t even sign it. Should I go ahead and assume you’re responding to my question about when you’re available and try to set up a date for us to talk or what? WHAT THE FUNK do I do with ‘yea‘?! For someone who is obsessed with courtesy & grammar, you have to understand how frustrating this is!


No. No, NO, no.

Lucy, let me ‘splain somethin’ to ya. You have to give me something to work with. Your response doesn’t have to be the epitome of thoughtful, cordial conversation, but it does have to answer my questions and be coherent enough that we can continue our correspondence without me having to bang my head against my keyboard for five minutes wondering how I can respond to you without seeming stupid, incompetent, or rude (which is completely unfair since you’re the one who couldn’t even take the time to place a period behind one effing word). *Deep breath.*

Ideally, your response would resemble this:

Hey Beth!

It was great to meet you at Jane’s party as well. It was a lot of fun! Thank you for taking the time to follow up with me. (I have or have not thought about my expectations for my party and they are as follows.) Yes, I am available (date time, etc.). Just let me know where you’d like to meet. See you soon!

Thanks again,


The message above is short, complete, direct, and also thoughtful. It answers each section of the message that I sent you, and leaves me with no doubts or other questions that do not directly pertain to the service you need me to provide for you. As a bonus, it also leaves room for a real friendship to be born out of our business transaction because at this point I’m just thinking about how nice you are & I’m excited to get together with you.

 But even if it just looked like this, I’d be happy:

Hey Beth,

Yeah, I’m available that day. Where do you want to meet?

Because at least then I know exactly what question you’re responding to and you’ve given me a clear invitation to continue the conversation by asking me a question. Now neither one of us looks stupid, incompetent, rude, or like an A-hole. All it takes is being nice.

Common courtesy isn’t so common anymore. Let’s change that one interaction at a time.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by the Sheriff of The Nice Police. I implore you to stop being a lazy responder & get your shit together or the people who provide services for you are going to think you’re an asshole and never want to work with you again.

Or at the very least, they might be tempted to spit in your dinner.

I Don’t Think That Memes What You Think It Memes


If you’ve been on social media at all, you’ve seen the word and (think you) know what it is. Sadly, most of you don’t know what it actually is or how to pronounce it. At the risk of bringing my Grammar Hammer down in a really annoying fashion, I’m here to educate.

We’ll start with the easy stuff: It’s pronounced ‘meem.’ Not ‘me-me.’ I’m not ashamed to admit that when I first saw the word, I was like “me-me what?” But then it clicked that the last letter is silent and I went on feeling superior to everyone else in the world. (*That last part is a joke. I have never, nor will I ever, see myself as superior to anyone. I just like to let you guys know that despite all my grammar nazi shenanigans, I don’t take myself too seriously & neither should you.*) 🙂

memes-what-you-think-it-memes-princess-brideNow the harder part: what is the actual definition of a meme? First of all, it’s not a captioned photo like most people think.

A “meme” is a term coined by evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins. It is, quite simply, the cultural equivalent of a “gene.” Whereas a “gene” is the unit of biological evolution, so the “meme” is the unit of cultural change. As time passes, certain genes are more beneficial for an organism (usually for a certain time). Similarly, as time passes, certain cultural “memes” are more likely to “catch on,” while others become extinct. For example, a meme of the 70’s might have been bell bottoms and platform shoes. While there are still undoubtedly people who wear this combination of clothing, it has effectively gone out of style or is extinct, so it is no longer a cultural meme.

The term is used (incorrectly) to describe captioned images in which one places text on an image to make an attempt at an amusing image/text combination. The idea of this image macro itself may be considered a meme because it has become a common occurrence in modern society but each individual picture with text on it is not a “meme” in and of itself.

So…you’re smarter now. You’re welcome.


Ammonia Vs. Pneumonia

Stop! It’s Grammar Time!
Nobody in the history of grammar nazi’s has ever made that joke, right?
Here’s today’s lesson (inspired by my dear sweet husband who knows the difference but refuses to acknowledge it simply because it irritates the crap out of me):

People do not catch “the ammonia.” However, they can catch “pneumonia.” (Ask me why pneumonia has a “p” in it and all I can tell you is that the “p” is silent. Some questions are meant to go unanswered).

Ammonia is a colorless gas comprised of nitrogen & hydrogen which has a very distinct and pungent smell.

Pneumonia is a lung infection.

No one is catching a smelly gas infection of the lungs and no one is cleaning with, making pharmaceuticals from, or urinating pneumonia. Cleaning with products that contain ammonia, such as bleach, may prevent one from coming down with pneumonia. But if done improperly, you’ll just end up dizzy and passed out on the kitchen floor marinating in the fumes. I suppose, in that way, one could say they “caught the ammonia.”