Sorry, I Got Nothin’

My challenge for today was to write about my ten favorite foods, but this is not a topic I care to write about, nor one I think people give a damn about. I’m feeling pretty cynical today. My girls brought home their report cards & well…the report wasn’t so good. It’s just got me down and honestly, feeling kinda throat-punchy. So for today, I have nothing to give you. No funnies, no sarcasm, no small chicken nuggets of death wisdom.

But in the (debatably) wise words of Dean Winchester…

Strike out GED, replace with High School Diploma, add something about pie and we’ll call this #ChallengeComplete.

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Go (Un)Funk Yourself

I’ve noticed an unfortunate trend occuring in my life this year: I’ve been experiencing more bad days than good ones. I decided I’d like to do something about it. Here are just a few ideas. Every time I’m feeling off or in a funk (angry, morose, restless, melancholy, etc.) for no apparent reason…

  1. I may just drop where I stand and do random yoga poses. Upset with the kids or the hubs? Down Dog in the cereal isle. (Or the parking lot, living room, doctor’s office…wherever. Nevermind…scratch the doctor’s office. I’m not due for a colonoscopy just yet.) Anyway, the point is it’ll make them stop & wonder what the heck I’m up to & provide myself with endless entertainment in the form of private laughter and strange expressions. I just hope my butt crack isn’t showing & that there are no proctologists nearby.
That's me...doin' the yoga.
That’s me…doin’ the yoga.
  1. Make random monkey noises. Because why the hell not?
  2. Swear. It’s not productive. It helps nothing. But sometimes it just makes me feel like a ducking rockstar. 9f7
  3. Do my hair, put my face on…general girl stuff. 10568916_277400622445527_7297311134669757539_n
  4. Watch this. It never fails to put a smile on my face. 
  5. Or this: this always helps, too. 
  6. Sing!
  7. Bake pie. cherry-pie
  8. And then attempt to lure Dean Winchester with it. My trap will be an infallible, inescapable device consisting of a stick holding up a box which houses the delicious goodness that is pie, plus all the Busty Asians magazines Dean can wish for.
  9. And when that doesn’t work, I’ll just give the pie to my husband because he will actually appreciate it.
  10. Give myself a Jamicure.
  11. Ride a unicorn.
  12. Remember there are no unicorns & then make one out of a stick, a birthday party hat, & some glitter.
  13. Take my stick unicorn with me everywhere I go. It’ll be a conversation piece.
  14. Watch Disney movies. All of them! Except The Fox & The Hound. *evil eyes*
  15. Listen to happy music! And then listen to more happy music.
  16. Answer the phone a different way all day. First I’ll be Hermione. Then I’ll answer it and say, “it’s done, but there’s blood everywhere! What now?!” I can be Scottish, Polish, and a New Yorker all in one day. Maybe I’ll even answer it in the voice of Shrek.
  17. Respond to all my text messages in emoji’s only. article-2729871-20AA7A2200000578-266_306x447
  18. Respond to my texts in song titles only. Or just respond to them all with this video: 
  19. Dance in front of people because it will either make all of us laugh or cry and if you’re having a bad day, usually doing one of those will make it a little better.
  20. Day drink. Because that’s a healthy coping strategy. (Kidding Mom.)11713891_10153364570679845_1835697619543952316_o

What do you do when you’re in a funk? Talk to me!

Smile! It’s Friday!

Whenever I’m in a crappy mood there are a few things that never fail to cheer me up.

This is one. My sincerest thanks to Supernatural & the Internet.

This is another.

10473756_10152841403969845_5573140089875568108_nAnd if that isn’t funny to you then you obviously need to watch this video because you’ve been missing out hiding under a rock. (And missing out).

Happy Friday, y’all! If you don’t mind, maybe take another stab at voting on the Booger Vulture? Right now everything is tied at 22% which tells me you guys don’t know what it is either, lol. I need a tie-breaking vote 🙂

 

Small Dog, Large Man

So, y’all know about me and my shows, right? Forget about crime shows where the stories they tell are based off real events or just made up out of somebody’s mind about sick, twisted things that could actually happen. I have a theory on these kinds of shows; they just serve to give people really disgustingly creative ideas for murder and torture. Thanks CSI, CSI Miami, Bones, NCIS, Criminal Minds, Castle, The Mentalist, etc. etc.

I actually like those shows, but my real love rests in fiction.

I like stories about things that couldn’t possibly happen way more than the real stuff because – let’s face it – it’s nice to escape reality every once in a while almost every single day of the week.

I’ve talked about my vampire addiction before and we’ve all agreed that I should seek help. So, I did.

I called Sam & Dean Winchester.

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I’ve been a fan of Supernatural for years, but it wasn’t until our family moved to Germany that I was really able to sit down long enough to watch it and get addicted. We didn’t have cable there so we ended up getting all our video-entertainment from DVDs, the internet and iTunes. While my hubs was deployed, he bought seasons 1-4 of Supernatural on DVD and when he came home, after we put the kids to bed at night, we’d pop in a disc and start watching.

It started off that we were only going to watch one episode and then go to bed ourselves. That quickly evolved into “well….let’s just watch one more.”

An entire disc later, we went to bed only to have to get back up at 4:30 and 6:00 in the morning.

Every night, we’d watch at least 3 episodes until we got all the way through 4 seasons worth of Winchestery goodness. At this point, I was having dreams about Supernatural at night and not the good kind!!

It was dreams about evil clowns and fiery ghosts walking out of severely haunted shacks. Cars that revved themselves and killed people. Wax museums where the figures came to life and Paris Hilton always died. (Okay well..that was a good one.)

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Now, they’re in season 8 and I had another dream last night. But this time, the dream was totally ridiculous.

It was about Sam Winchester…and his brother was nowhere in sight. What a tragedy; no Dean anywhere! It should be punishable by law to have a Supernatural dream where Dean Winchester is nowhere to be found.

(Obama, you make laws out of all kinds of other senseless crap that nobody agrees with – why don’t you write that down on your list, too?)

So, my dream was actually a montage – with music and all – of Sam Winchester doing only things that Sam Winchester wouldn’t actually do. Things like:

• Riding a dog like a pony while he slaps its behind like he’s starring in some sort of sick R Kelly video. Mind you, the dog was a normal sized dog and all Supernatural fans are aware that Sam is not a normal sized man. Yet, his feet weren’t touching the ground…

• Trying on brass knuckles and intentionally combing his hair with the brass-knuckly hand while looking like he’s immensely enjoying stroking his luxurious hair.

Far, far too much enjoyment…

• Eating a burger with chips inside, pickles on top and mayo to dip it in on the side. (That sounds more like a Dean thing to me, but it WAS a dream about things Sam wouldn’t actually do so….)
• crocheting a unicorn with rainbows flying out its…well, you get it.
• Having a dance party with a clown
& other nonsense that I can’t clearly remember at the moment.
Sam Winchester would absolutely never EVER do any of these things.
But – I have no doubts – Jared Padalecki would.
So any of you out there who know how to slice clips of video together to make an actual montage, contact me ASAP…we’ve got to make this dream a reality.
And also –
you’re welcome ladies 🙂