Do-Overs: Live & Re-live

I want a do-over! Everyone wants a do-over on something, right?

(Dear Person Who Is Going To Eventually Invent A Working Time Machine,

Get on this do-over business for us, mkay?

Thanks!

Sincerely,

The Entire World)

But, who says the do-over has to be reserved only for experiences which were less than what you envisioned? I think they should apply also to those things you enjoyed so much that you want to re-visit the first time over and over again.

So, as if you care, here is a list of things on which I’d like a do-over:

  • The reading of a certain young adult series with feminine, glittery vampires. Okay, I admit it – I read Twilight and I LOVED it. I shall wear my shame with pride! (***And the award for Most Ironic & Nonsensical Statement of the Day goes to…..***) The first time I read it, it just grabbed me. I won’t say it’s the best written story of all time or that the sparkly vampire business isn’t a bit gay, but when I initially read it, I loved it. I devoured the entire series in four days and during that four days, I can’t remember doing a single household chore, cooking, eating, sleeping and sadly, even bathing. My children were probably wandering around the house frantically croaking “Mommy!” while scraping the crumbling remains of day-old Cheerios off the floor to nibble on. I wish that everything I could read had the power to captivate me like those books did. (Except for maybe the bathing part. A girl can take a book to the bathtub with her!) Also, Dear DFACS, I totally fed my kids while reading Twilight. Back off. KThxBye!
  • Watching Vampire Diaries for the first time. I know it’s sad that my first two do-overs involve vampires, but this is me we’re talking about. I have a bit of a slight (un)healthy obsession with the fanged and undead. Correction – the PRETTY fanged and undead. Not the undead as in The Walking Dead. That’s just Filthy McNasty. (Although the show is surprisingly awesome.) Anyway, getting back on track………….

I started watching Vampire Diaries when it was up to episode 11 of season 1. By the time they were up to episode 13 of season 1, I was already caught up and had been waiting a week for that episode to magically appear on iTunes. We were living in Germany, my husband was deployed, I didn’t sleep much and True Blood was on hiatus; I needed something to do. So I gave TVD a shot and it was like crack, y’all. CRACK! When one episode went off, I immediately started another until I realized that I needed at least a couple of hours of sleep before walking the kids to school the next day and forced myself to shut the computer off. I couldn’t get enough of it. I want every time I watch that show to feel like it did when I was first starting it.

  • Dating the hubs. There are some things I’d like a do-over of just because they weren’t exactly the smoothest operations in the history of ever, but mostly I’d just like to go back to how fun everything was then. I was 16 and goofy and didn’t care that people thought I was certifiably insane. I said hi to random strangers in a Hammy The Squirrel sort of voice. And my boyfriend (now husband) adored that goofy version of me. It was silly and fun and adorable. And vomit-inducing to everyone else which just makes it that much more amusing for me! But then again, I LOVE things just the way they are now so maybe this isn’t do-over material so much as it is re-invention material. I just need to make it a point to have more fun. I was going to say I need to make it a point to be goofier, but if I get any goofier, this blog would probably explode from not being able to handle the copious amount of weirdness it is forced to contain.
  • The first time I told my son that little boy babies come from Home Depot and little girl babies come from Walmart. This is a weird thing to want to re-experience, I admit, but you didn’t see his precious little face trying to process this information. Priceless!
  • The first time I made apple pie from scratch. This one is a do-over I wanted because the first time was a complete FAIL. Luckily, I already redeemed myself in this area on Valentine’s Day. Say hello to my delicious friend:

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I made mini apple pies, too, but at least one of those turned out to look grotesquely (and hilariously) inappropriate for the interwebs. So naturally, I took a picture! And I’m going to tease you with the fact that a select few have seen this picture and can vouch for its grotesqueness and hilarity, but I can’t bring myself to post it here because…honestly, my mom reads this thing and there’s just no way…

  • Do-over number whatever: The time I said “Dear Baby Jesus” and “your eyes are so blue!” to Ian Somerhalder. Did I think the man didn’t know what color his eyes are? He’s probably used those puppies on women since the womb and here I am gushing at him about his genetic makeup. *head-desk* As soon as I saw the man, all viable cells vacated my brain and I NEED to redeem myself. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t remember me or that he still won’t remember me after I’ve made amends for my brainless first encounter with him. What matters is that I remember and I can’t live with that distinctly, stereotypically blonde moment hovering over my consciousness every time I see this picture (which is hanging in a place of honor in my office) with my stupid, fat-faced, goofy grin on it.

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  • 3rd Grade. All of third grade.

 

  • I’d like a do-over of that period when my two oldest kids were between the ages of 2 & 4. Not because I screwed it up or anything, but because I miss it and I’d absolutely record more of their little voices on my phone to later save to iTunes and play to myself on a regular basis. Their voices are so precious!

Side Note/Funny Story regarding the precious voices of my minions; I recorded a conversation while my husband was deployed the first time that went like this:

Minion #1 AKA Mr. Thoughtful: *Singing* I wonder if my daddy is coming back home…. *Pause* When he gets done beating the bad people up…*longer pause*

Me: Go ahead, finish your song!

Minion #1 AKA Mr. Thoughtful: I already! 

Me: Okay. *hears Minion #2 AKA Princess Sassypants singing aforementioned song in the background in her adorable barely 2 year old voice* Tell Daddy you love him.

Minion #1 AKA Mr. Thoughtful: I wuv you Daddy. I miss you!

Me: Princess Sassypants, come tell your daddy you love him. *She toddles over, doesn’t say anything* Come on, say ‘I love you, Daddy.’

Minion #2 AKA Princess Sassypants: Momma, I tink I poop!

That, I would not re-do in a million years except to keep it EXACTLY the same and hear it again and again 🙂

  • I would NOT like a do-over of pregnancy. Been there, done that, got the “PERMANENTLY OUT OF SERVICE” tattoo.
  • The time I let the kids watch Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire at the theater with the hubs and I. They were a bit too young for the whole rebirthing of a snake-like-looking-powerful-wizard/monster guy.
  • The time I let the hubs talk me into letting my young son watch The Lord of The Rings. He literally JUST got over being terrified of Smeagol and Gollum.
  • A few days ago when the kids and I did a table-top volcano experiment. That was fun. They smiled, they laughed, they played AND they learned. If we could relive that everyday, it would be fantastic.
  • The time I freaked my brother out with that Secret Circle theme music and he jumped 5 feet in the air from a laying position. Awesome!

I’m sure there’s more, but my do-overs aren’t exactly epic or anything so I’ll bore you no longer. 🙂 You tell me your do-overs now. They’ve got to be way more interesting than mine.

Until next time –

xoxo

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Aesop Is My Homeboy

My recent posts from Tuesday & Wednesday actually had a sort of Aesop’s Fable thing happening so I’m here today to conclude my point. And yes, I actually have one that isn’t entirely silly. Imagine that!

To sum it up for those of you too lazy to read the previous, surprisingly short (coming from me) posts:

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger unless:

  • It’s a number of things that make you weaker. I should have put pneumonia on that list.

If it does kill you…well, that’s unfortunate. I hope you’re right with God.

If it kills you AND makes you stronger, that means it was a vampire. In which case, I will be hopping on the first train to Mystic Falls because if vampires are real, I don’t think it’s that big a stretch to assume that a supposedly fictional town is real. That would indicate that Damon Salvatore really exists, in which case I must find, hogtie and marry him immediately. (How does one go about hogtying a vampire?)

Based off this recap alone, only Tuesday’s post was Aesop Fable material. The rest of it is just useless, nonsensical mind-poop that has the potential to get me committed with a disturbing amount of haste unless you actually read the post and then you know my point there was to stop being so afraid of everything! Anything can end your life at any moment so take all the opportunities you can because you might not get them again. But everybody knows this already (whether they do it or believe it) so that wasn’t my central point.

You wanna know the real purpose here? (It’s my blog; I can say “wanna” if’n I wanna.)

What doesn’t kill you doesn’t necessarily make you stronger so what does it do? I’ve come up with something. Feel free to disagree or to use it whenever appropriate; whichever.

What doesn’t kill you makes you…live longer.

My superior genius led me to that conclusion so don’t feel bad if you didn’t think of it first. It’s true isn’t it? And so profound, right? What doesn’t kill you does, in fact, mean you live longer. But consider this:

Living Longer = Getting Wiser (Unless you’re Gina.)

Getting Wiser = Being Smarter

Smarts = Knowledge

Knowledge = Power

Power is just another for word for …

Strong.

So maybe what doesn’t kill you does make you stronger…if you let it.

Jellybeans, Piano’s & Eels

Yesterday’s post is the catalyst for today’s post.

We talked about the fact that what doesn’t kill you doesn’t necessarily make you stronger, but now I want to talk about what does kill you. Morbid, right? I guess I’ve been watching too much 1000 Ways To Die on the Spike channel.

(Death By Eel was particularly gruesome. That link isn’t for the 1000 Ways To Die episode; it’s the news report on the real-life story, but it’s gross so if you’ve got a weak stomach, I suggest you don’t watch it. However, the part where the guy says “that is unfortunate” is probably the funniest thing I’ve heard all week because it’s like the understatement of the century. If that eel-guy is a ghost, I can guarantee he’s haunting you right now Mr. News Man because an eel in your rectum is a tad bit more than “unfortunate.” Of course, he’s probably coming to my house next because I totally just referred to him as “eel guy.”)

Now, if you want to see how good I am (or how obsessed & unstable I am, depending on who you ask) I am going to segue this topic into vampires. Do you believe it? If you’ve visited this blog for more than 5 minutes, I bet you do!

What kills you:

  1. Infected paper cuts (thanks TarBear!)
  2. Crazy people with guns
  3. Crazy people with sharp utensils of any sort
  4. Crazy people with things that crazy people crazily kill other people with
  5. Pillows (laid over your face by some individual with gorilla strength)
  6. Water. (If you stay under it too long, it has some….adverse effects.)
  7. Leather belts that just happen to be placed around your neck
  8. Death by Jellybean…in the throat (Thanks husband!)
  9. Piano on the head
  10. Mad Cow Disease

Bet you thought I was gonna put vampires in that list, didn’t you?  But no…I’m not quite that predictable! So there you are. With all the things it’s possible for you to die from, why are so many of us afraid of potentially harmless situations like…I don’t know…telling someone you like them. When a piano falls out of the sky and squashes them, you’ll really wish you had said something. You know…something like “Look out!” would be ideal.

While you think about other things that could kill you, I’ve got another list! I like lists 🙂

Things That Kill You AND Make You Stronger

  1. Vampires

(Okay, so maybe I am a little predictable.)

It Took Me An Hour To Write This

It’s 12:18am and I just got done reading the last book in the Hunger Games trilogy. There’s no reason why I’m writing about it other than that there is no way I could go to sleep yet. I HAVE to talk about it first. I’m a female after all..don’t we kinda have to talk about everything? Or at the very least type nonsense about it and leave it up to the rest of you to decide whether you care enough to read it. Chances are, if you’ve read the books then you’re sticking around to read this. If you have not read the books, but want to, you’ll probably stick around then, too. If you haven’t read them and have no desire to then, surely, you didn’t even make it to this sentence. Either way, I’m continuing in my late night rambling.

I love to read and get lost in a good book. I’ve read a lot of books. Most of them are fiction so don’t start thinking I’m some highly educated person who likes books written in an old English language I could never hope to understand. I like Shakespeare, sure, but only after it was translated to me line by line by my 12th grade lit. teacher. If I tried to read and decode it on my own, I’d probably misinterpret the vast majority of it if it weren’t for the fact that almost everyone knows how all his stories end already without having read them. My point is that I like the feeling of being transported to a different time and place. A ficitonal one – because honestly, I live in the real world enough. When I’m reading, I don’t want real; I want fantasy. And pardon me if all the books I like are categorized under ‘young adult’…don’t judge me.

My favorite books are, not surprisingly, the Harry Potter series. I like Twilight despite the fact that it has sparkling vampires, Bella has no personality and that Edward acts more like a control-freak father than a boyfriend. I’ve read the Mortal Instruments series and enjoyed it, too, though now I can’t remember a whole lot of what happened in those because I devoured them so quickly I failed to retain any details that weren’t absolutely pertinent to the core plot in the stories. I’ve read the Vampire Diaries books and have ascertained that this was several hours of my life wasted that I can never get back. I’m unbelieveably thankful to Kevin Williamson & Julie Plec who managed to save the sorry excuse for story-telling that the books were and turn them into something incredibly addicting in the show.

I’ve read the Vampire Academy series and the House of Night series. Liked the first very much and look forward to re-reading them in the future…can’t say much for the 2nd as I couldn’t get passed the bad writing and the fact that the 15 year old main character has about 5+ love interests within a 2 month period that spans across several books. I don’t usually abandon a series once I start it (even if I HATE it), but The House of Night was one that I don’t care to pick back up again. I care even less about how it ends than I do the Vampire Diaries books and I can’t read more than 2 pages of those without yawning or screaming into a pillow at the stupidity of it all. The point is that as much as I hate the VD books, I still buy them (to finish my collection) and read them (albeit slowly) because I care just enough about them Damon to want to know how it ends and also because I like making comparisons to the show. I would buy the House of Night books just to use them to build a campfire for my kids in the summer if I weren’t so concerned about the waste of money that would be.

I say all that to get to this; in all those books, love them or hate them, there is always at least one thing that I can point out that I wish would have been done differently or an ending that I take some sort of issue with. That’s not to say that all books should end the way I want them to or that I don’t absolutely love them just the way they are, but there’s always that one thing that I can honestly say “I wish _________ would have happened instead” or “but why did __________ happen?” And if neither of those is the case the only other issue I have is feeling empty after I’ve finished a particularly good book or series. Like it can’t end and I’m left needing more of it, which is an incredible feat for an author, but is a sort of hell for a reader.

That is not the case at all with the Hungar Games.

It is the first series I’ve ever read that I felt completely satisfied at the end. It was PERFECT. Not that I wouldn’t love to read more of them, but I feel like there is definite closure at the end of the 3rd one and it’s not of the “and they lived happily ever after” variety or an ending so sad that you feel like it was a waste to read the book. It’s a perfect balance of fantasy with just enough realism to it to make it totally believable and satisfying.

I kept thinking I would be able to predict certain things in the books and everytime I thought a certain thing would happen, there would be a great twist that would totally throw me off, which is a good thing because it kept me reading. (It took me a day to read each book. 3 days total to finish the series. I have 3 children, a husband, a job, voice lessons & band practices so just take a moment to let it sink in….you should see the state of neglect my house is currently in.) That’s why I like the Vampire Diaries (show) so much. It’s good writing. Everytime we think we can predict something in the show, the writers throw us a curve ball and something we never expected happens. That’s exactly how this book is. I had been predicting (or at the very least, hoping for) something throughout the whole series, but after having several of my predictions proven wrong or twisted a bit from what I envisioned, I finally gave up on the biggest prediction that I made for the book only to find out in the last two pages that I was finally right about something. And it was sweeter than I could ever have imagined because

A.) I had already given up on it happening & B.) because it didn’t happen the way I thought it would; it was even better.

Now I am going to go put on my Captain Obvious suit (complete with cape!) and say one more (very anti-climatic & redundant) thing:

I highly recommend the Hunger Games trilogy.

Now that I’ve gotten all that out of my system, I think I can finally go to sleep now 🙂

Vampire Rehab & A Tea Bag (or 2)

I posted a new photo blog 🙂 It’s only one picture, but I promise it’s a good one! :: I’m Such A Tease… :: <—Click it…or ticket! No? Bad Georgia joke…sorry. I just couldn’t resist.

What’s new for Thursday other than the horribly depressing fact that The Vampire Diaries won’t be on tonight? Yes, I’m so distraught over this information that it warrented mentioning in the beginning of my post. I mean, once you get into this (hello ian somerhalder…*sigh*) it’s kinda hard to live without. (Even if it is only for 2 weeks.) Stupid hiatus. I guess I’ll have to spend my Thursday in Vampire Rehab acting like an adult instead of a show/celeb-obsessed tween. To fill the incalculable gap TVD’s absence has left in my soul week, I’ve decided to share some questions that have been nagging at me for a while. Answer them if you can 🙂

1.) How does the guy who runs the snowplow get to work in the morning?

2.) Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you can go back?

3.) Why do companies offer “free gifts?” Since when have GIFTS not been FREE?

4.) If something goes without saying, why do people still say it?

5.) If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it homeless or naked? (I shared this one on FB recently. I got the answer “Both” really quickly. Seems pretty accurate to me!)

6.) For those that use the teabags pictured (the ones that are actually 2 teabags connected into one giant rectangle), how do you count these? Is this one teabag or is it two teabags? And if you tell someone to put 6 teabags in a pot, do they put 3 of these rectangular thingies in the pot or do they put in 6 of them? To me, that makes it 12 & I don’t know if I want a gallon of tea that’s been brewed with 12 teabags. Case in point – be careful who you let make your tea!

7.) If you try to fail, & succeed, which have you done?

8.) Who’s cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an S in it?

9.) What hair color do they put on the licenses of bald men?

10.) If “quitters never win” & “winners never quit,” how can it be wise to “quit while you’re ahead?”

11.) Why is it that it’s called a shipment when you transport something in a car (or anything with 4 wheels) but when you transport it on a ship it’s called cargo?

12.) How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? Or father jokes for that matter?

13.) If you set to work with a knife that will cut through anything & Tupperware that’s guaranteed not to break, what happens?

14.) Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for monosyllabic?

15.) Why do they say “new and improved?” If it was improved, then it’s not really new; it’s just…improved.

16.) Why do some boxed/bagged/canned dinners still maintain that they are “fresh?” Fresh definition: Adj: Not previously known or used; new or different. Adverb: Newly; recently. When I think of the word fresh in relation to food, I think about strawberries that I just picked, not the can of spam that’s been sitting in a cabinet for two months. 

That’s it for today, folks! Got lots of work to do. I’ll be busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kickin’ contest. Have fun trying to answer those questions &/or adding your own 🙂

Try to have a happy Thursday without vampires…I know it’s hard, but there is help. & Lucky for you, I have posted it below.